I am a man in my early 30’s married to a man in his mid 50’s. We have always been in an open relationship: we met in a sex party. When we met, I was always the bottom and he was the top. Over time, however, he became obsessed with the bottom. He never penetrates me, even in a group, and begins to express jealousy about the peaks that I attract I feel like he’s throwing our lives away in pursuit of an empty dream and I long to get it back dominant top I married – a role he is appropriate for physically. He browses escort websites, which I find depressingly inevitable. How can I wake him up to reality?
Top burnout is quite common and can lead to a change in a person’s energy exchange preferences, usually temporarily. This is less likely to happen when partners change, swapping roles from time to time, but obviously this is not for you. Maybe it’s wise to relax about it and try to tolerate – even support – his period of exploration. In fact, dominance and submission are not that different; just polarized aspects of the same erotic style. So some tops often fantasize about bottoming out, but aren’t ready to practice it—and vice versa. The top usually does most of the work: initiating, setting the scene, the toys, and so on, so your husband may want a break from the responsibility. I can understand your frustration and fear of losing your preferred sexual style, but people and relationships change and develop over time, so it would be best to talk patiently and lovingly with your husband – without blaming him or you blame – for what he feels and for reasons for this change. You have to understand each other. Gently express your sadness about the potential loss you are facing. Then do everything you can to show him that you love and support him.
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